Now the miller had a daughter; the fairest in the land.

And the King he had an appetite just like any man.

And the miller was very nervous to be brought before a King,

and instead of keeping quiet, he said the strangest thing!

He said, "You know, she can turn straw into gold!"

The King looked suitably impressed,

but then summoned the miller's daughter to put her to the test.

He said, "I can see you're very beautiful,

and that would've been enough.

But it seems a shame to waste your talents

if you can make gold from this stuff."

So he locked her in a dungeon, and the maid began to cry.

"If I defy the King, why then I am sure to die."

She thought, "I've got a problem, and the problem here is men:

My father's got no confidence, and the King's got enough for ten!"

Well a Jester heard of the damsel's plight,

and went to find her in the night.

But he only added to her fear.

She thought, "Not another man, and he looks so queer."

He said, "Madam, all your troubles are over,

'cause spinning gold's just my thing,

and I'll do it for your necklace, and I'll do it for your ring.

And you can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if I don't save you from this hell.

You can pull my leg, you can ring my bell

if I don't save you from this hell."

Well early the very next morning, before the break of day;

the King he couldn't wait to see if she'd made gold from the hay.

Well he was almost speechless for the first time in his life,

and that was how a King came to take a miller's daughter for a wife.

He said, "It's strange, you're a very poor girl,

but you've made me awfully rich.

I think I'll take you for my Queen,

even if you are a witch.

But before we settle down to conjugal bliss,

would you mind most awfully

making one more batch of this?"

Well the poor maid's heart sank deep into despair,

but then the funny little Jester appeared from nowhere.

"You can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if I don't save you from this hell.

You can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if I don't save you from this hell."

She said, "Before you get too busy, I've got nothing more to give."

He said, "Don't be silly, you're gonna be Queen if you get to live.

And I've already decided to take your first born child."

Of course he had her over the wheel, and he just smiled.

"You can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if I don't save you from this hell.

You can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if I don't save you from this hell."

Well from a life that wasn't worth a straw,

she thought she'd be happy for evermore.

But as time went by and she contemplated,

she thought life at court was over-rated.

Her neck got stiff beneath her crown,

and gold brocade just wore her down.

But she soldiered on without a frown,

when she remembered her sack-cloth brown.

And after a year she gave birth to a boy.

He brought her mirth he brought her joy.

She clean forgot that she had sold him,

till the Jester appeared a-hopping on one limb.

He offered her a deal, just for fun:

"Guess my name in three and you can keep your son."

After two wrong guesses he was sure

the Queen was done for.

"But you can pull my leg, you can ring my bell,

if you can save yourself from hell.

If you can beat my anonymity

you can pull my leg with impunity."

Well she resolved to tell the King,

though she must tell him everything.

And though she was sure that he would hate her,

or at the very least he would berate her.

But she was shocked when he looked impassive,

and dismissed the problem to her so massive,

when he said, "Not him, that's oh what's 'is name?

RUMPELSTILTSKIN."

So she pulled his leg, and she rang his bell.

and he descended into hell.

She pulled his leg, she rang his bell,

and he descended back into hell.

© Felicity Buirski 1985.